Frustration and a new path...

On Monday, Reality walked right up to me and slapped me in the face.

It's been six days and I still feel frustrated though not anywhere near as frustrated as I felt that first day.

But the most surprising thing is that I got through it relatively unscathed. As bad as it was, it was nowhere near as bad as it use to be when I was a young man.

I can survive this level of frustration. It's not fun but it's not overwhelming.

Maybe just maybe it's OK to stop putting life on hold, to live life more fully and just contend with the sexual frustration as it happens.

I don't know about others but I can't distinguish sexual frustration from other forms of frustration. To me, there is nothing sexual about sexual frustration. It is just frustration.

But it is no longer an overwhelming sense of frustration. At least it wasn't this time.

For years I have tried to keep on an even keel. This has meant years of not fully engaging in life; not getting excited or passionate; not getting too emotional and that meant mostly not getting too frustrated. All in an attempt to not lose control.

But Monday showed my control was only surface deep. Like a heavy blanket, it only muffled my emotions. The blanket was easily yanked off.

But there are all sorts of frustration; not just sexual frustration. And not dealing with all sorts of frustration meant not being fully functional because frustration is part of every day life.

So what I am trying to say is that maybe this time around the sexual frustration won't reach the level it did before where I could no longer cope and shut down. Maybe this time around I can be sexually frustrated and remain highly functional and emotionally available without compartmentalizing.

In other words, co-exist with my sexual frustration and not let the fact that it's never going away defeat me. Not let the fact that I will be faced with sexual frustration at the end of the day stop me from tackling my problems during the day.

Or I could be totally wrong and allowing my sexual feelings to go unchecked will over time send me right back to where I was years ago.

In other words, left unchecked the sexual frustration that is not overwhelming now will build little by little until it reaches it's full extent.

If so, it shouldn't take long to find out. In the meantime, I am taking my life off hold.