Now that I'm fast approaching 60.....

When I reached a certain age, I started inserting into sentences variations of “Now that I’m (fill in the age)” or “For an old guy” as a way of making light of something I was not crazy about (getting older…OK, I’ll say it…old). Qualifying my sentences that way started happening with greater and greater frequency then one day I heard myself saying “Now that I’m approaching 60”. To be honest I thought what I was doing was good. In my mind I was accepting aging in a realistic fashion. That is until I realized I was taking it too far.

I was standing in front of a mirror without a shirt on and thinking “God, I look kind of hot” (lost a lot of weight lately and started working out again) then I couldn’t help adding “for an old man”. That was OK. But it was what I thought next that took me by surprise. I noticed the hint of abs and thought “Wouldn’t it be cool if for the first time in my life I could have abs, even a six pack?” which was quickly followed by “Don’t be silly. You’re fast approaching 60. Sixty year olds don’t think about abs. You’re too old for abs.” This is when the proverbial lightbulb went off. For months but especially the last six months I have been thinking about my age a lot without ever really questioning what I was thinking. But this time what I thought made me realize how self-defeating many of these thoughts were. I decided right then and there to get an attitude adjustment. Stealing from an old Tina Turner classic, a tape in my head started playing “What does age have to do with it?”.

Which brings me to where I am now. I am still working on my attitude adjustment. I have gone through several iterations. For now I am sticking to “I am going to live forever.” Which strikes me as a line stolen from yet another song. I know I am not going to live forever but most likely I will live twenty more years and with luck I might live thirty even forty years. That’s a long time. I can get a lot of things done in that time. True, I will have to cut back as time goes on. But what’s wrong with thinking “I am going to live forever” if it helps me to keep moving forward? Isn’t it better to be disappointed when I fail or not be able to finish then to not try at all?

Do you have any views on getting older? I’m surely not the only one trying to figure out how to deal with this reality.

Not sure how to Act

I don't know if anyone still reads my blog but I could use some advice.

My best friend lost his job. This is his third layoff in five years.

Each time I don't know how to act. Each time it's a little worse than before because he is older. The only good thing this time around is that the economy has improved a little since the last time.

I have trouble knowing how to act when people need to be lifted up. I'm great at letting someone cry on my shoulder or vent. I'm good at listening. But I am lousy at cheering people up; making them look at the bright side of things. I can't seem to just focus on the positive. I always have to acknowledge the bad with the good.

His "job situation" hangs over our friendship. It's like the unspoken topic in every one of our conversations.

I guess the way I see it...I am the one with the problem...I am uncomfortable and I don't know what to say -and- worse of all, I feel like I am not being a good friend.

Here is how bad it has gotten....I catch myself complaining about work or talking about retirement and change the subject because I don't want to rub it in his face that I have a job and he doesn't or I can think about retirement when he can't.

But what I am hating about myself is that I am sort of avoiding him a little. What kind of friend am I?

And it doesn't help that there is always this sexual tension between us. He knows I am monogamous and respects that -but- the tension is still there.

Here is the real problem...(took me writing this post to figure it out)...

He is understandably very vunerable and part of me wants to let my guard down and be there for him -but- part of me is scared that I won't have the discipline to not let things get out of control.

I am afraid of the caged beast breaking free.

Regards,
Philip