When I reached a certain age, I started inserting into sentences variations of “Now that I’m (fill in the age)” or “For an old guy” as a way of making light of something I was not crazy about (getting older…OK, I’ll say it…old). Qualifying my sentences that way started happening with greater and greater frequency then one day I heard myself saying “Now that I’m approaching 60”. To be honest I thought what I was doing was good. In my mind I was accepting aging in a realistic fashion. That is until I realized I was taking it too far.
I was standing in front of a mirror without a shirt on and thinking “God, I look kind of hot” (lost a lot of weight lately and started working out again) then I couldn’t help adding “for an old man”. That was OK. But it was what I thought next that took me by surprise. I noticed the hint of abs and thought “Wouldn’t it be cool if for the first time in my life I could have abs, even a six pack?” which was quickly followed by “Don’t be silly. You’re fast approaching 60. Sixty year olds don’t think about abs. You’re too old for abs.” This is when the proverbial lightbulb went off. For months but especially the last six months I have been thinking about my age a lot without ever really questioning what I was thinking. But this time what I thought made me realize how self-defeating many of these thoughts were. I decided right then and there to get an attitude adjustment. Stealing from an old Tina Turner classic, a tape in my head started playing “What does age have to do with it?”.
Which brings me to where I am now. I am still working on my attitude adjustment. I have gone through several iterations. For now I am sticking to “I am going to live forever.” Which strikes me as a line stolen from yet another song. I know I am not going to live forever but most likely I will live twenty more years and with luck I might live thirty even forty years. That’s a long time. I can get a lot of things done in that time. True, I will have to cut back as time goes on. But what’s wrong with thinking “I am going to live forever” if it helps me to keep moving forward? Isn’t it better to be disappointed when I fail or not be able to finish then to not try at all?
Do you have any views on getting older? I’m surely not the only one trying to figure out how to deal with this reality.
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3 comments:
I'm on the other side of 60, but could easily pass for...say, 55.
My main problem with aging is the IRREVERSIBILITY of the physical. I'll never be as fast, as strong. I had wanted to run a marathon in under 4 hours. My most recent was 4-15, so close. But now I wonder if I could even finish one. Very discouraging.
I think I've decided to adjust my expectations; be grateful for what I can do, and enjoy the physical part of life without comparing myself to others or to my own past. Easier said than done.
Santorio,
After I realized how self-limiting my attitude about aging was, I realized I had to change how I thought about things.
Some people as they get older continue to grow and learn new things even though physically they can't do as much as they use to.
I want to be like that. I want to continue moving forward even when I am very old.
My hope is that someone who has worked through their own issues with aging will read my post and share their thoughts on what works and what doesn't work when it comes to staying engaged even into very old age.
By the way I am impressed that you use to run marathons. My goal right now is to be able to jog for twenty minutes.
Do you still run?
Regards,
Philip
My last marathon was 6 years ago when I was 56. I really trained for that and was very disappointed when I didn't break 4 hrs. Since then I really haven't had time to train and with some groin and knee problems, have switched mainly to bike--I commute by bike.
My work gives me the option of working less than full-time, for example, 0.8 FTE, or any other fraction. I should take advantage of that, but haven't yet, I think out of the fear that I would just waste those extra days off and then regret time and money lost.
Last year one of my colleagues about the same age dropped dead in the office one morning. What a way to go--dying at work.
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