Please someone point me to a good gay movie...

I have the urge to see a real good glbt movie but don't want to sit through another stinker and most glbt movies are beyond awful.

Please see my list below. If your favorite is not on it, let me know and I will check it out.

Here are my favorite movies (that I can remember):

1. Brokeback Mountain
2. Before Night Falls
3. All About My Mother (Todo sobre mi Madre)
4. Boys Don't Cry
5. Tea and Sympathy (1956 - Deborah Kerr)
6. Hedwig and the Angry Inch
7. Beautiful Launderette
8. The Wedding Banquet
9. Kinsey
10. Beautiful Thing
11. The Sum of Us
12. Transamerica
13. Fire
14. Save Me
15. Milk
16. Burnt Money (plata quemada)
17. Desert Hearts
18. Bulgarian Lovers
19. Far from Heaven
20. Kiss of the Spider Woman
21. Maurice

Here are my favorite TV series:

1. Queer as Folk
2. Six Feet Under
3. Sex in the City
4. Oz

Is it just to keep me from feeling the void?

This is Father's Day and of all days I should not post this but this is what I am thinking today.

In my last post I talked about getting off the merry-go-round. Two days ago I was brainstorming; trying to figure out how to keep from going back on the merry-go-round (i.e., fixating on how to improve my marriage) when it came to me to just accept that my marriage (and therefore my life) is not going to improve and that I should instead focus on other efforts like improving the lives of others. I felt a sudden surge of energy so I went with it. I felt enpowered taking steps to bring about a brighter future for those around me. No more sadness or tears. Just grim determination.

I am being purposely vague because what steps I took is not the reason for this post. What this post is about is that for two days I have not been on that old merry-go-round (i.e., fixating on improving the marriage) and what I have done has not affected my marriage in a negative way. There have been, however, several moments of sadness that I couldn't explain. And the sadness for sure descends when I am not working on my new venture. In two short days I went from barely feeling the sadness to now the sadness rushing in when I try to relax and not work on my new venture. Then one time the sadness happened when I saw a couple on TV and yearned for what they had. It was that old familiar "yearning for I know not what" that I long ago linked to the need for intimacy with another man.

So now I am thinking that all I have accomplished these last two days is to replace one fixation (improving my marriage) with another (improving the lives of those around me) but, unlike the old fixation, this new fixation is doable and I have had some success already and the positive focus and feelings that follow success somehow allow the void and yearning that must always be there to surface. Is it possible the lack of success in my first venture kept me so frustrated that the void and yearning were kept at bay?

In other words, at some subconscious level was the old merry-go-round my way to prevent the void and yearning from surfacing?

A week from now or maybe even tomorrow I may feel totally foolish for publishing this post but then I might find this post to be truer still.

I'll just keep on my new kick for a while and see what happens.

Regards,
Philip

I want off this merry-go-around....

My mind is a merry-go-round that I never get off. I attribute this completely to the gay and married thing. It's been ten days since I met my friend for lunch. That merry-go-round has been spinning faster then it has in a long time since that lunch. I am frustrated and can't sleep. I have been reading Dichotomy's blog. I could have screamed when I read some of the posts because it's so obvious that the authors couldn't have been married long because they have no idea what they are in for. What made me want to scream was that they wrote with such authority and confidence like they were the experts and dumb old people like me don't support MOMs (despite being married 34 years). I know I am in a bad place when lines "SSA does not define you" and "it's just a matter of self control" upset me. I try and try to get off this merry-go-round but somehow I quickly end back on it. What do I need to do? Is the only way off to divorce your spouse? I know I'm not unique and that whatever happens to me also happens to others -but- there have to be people out there that are no longer struggling with this issue and have been able to move on with their lives. while still staying married, right? I guess I don't want to struggle anymore but to stay married I have to continue to struggle but I don't want to accept a life of continual struggle so I try to find a way to get beyond it while staying married and that mindset that somehow I can find a way to end this struggle is what keeps me on this merry-go-round. What I can't understand is why I can't accept a life of struggle in order to stay married. Why do I keep chasing a way out of that struggle when there is none but to get divorced? Why do I keep hoping when there is nothing to hope for? What would happen if I gave up hope? I think that's what I am really scared of. I usually edit what I post but if I do that I probably won't post it. So here goes...